Why am I always late to everything?

If you're late to everything, constantly, despite trying not to be, you're not rude and you're not disorganized. Your brain perceives time differently.

It's not about trying harder

People with ADHD who are chronically late usually:

• Actually want to be on time (seriously, it's not an excuse)
• Try everything: alarms, reminders, leaving early
• Feel real guilt about being late
• Can't figure out why it keeps happening

If this were just a matter of "trying harder," you would have fixed it years ago.

What's going on

Time blindness

Your brain struggles to perceive time passing. Ten minutes can feel like two, or like thirty. It's nearly impossible to estimate how long you need when your internal clock is fundamentally unreliable.

Optimistic time estimation

A tendency to underestimate how long things take:

• "I shower in 5 minutes" (reality: 15)
• "The drive is 20 minutes" (reality: 35 with traffic)
• "I'll just be a sec" (reality: half an hour)

The "one more thing" trap

Right before leaving, you decide to do "one quick thing." Checking an email turns into replying, which turns into looking something up, and 20 minutes later you're still standing there.

Transition difficulty

Switching from one activity to another takes real mental effort. Stopping what you're doing to get ready and leave is a hard transition for the ADHD brain.

Strategies that work

Clocks everywhere

• Analog clocks (easier to visualize time as space)
• In every room
• Wherever you get ready

Calculate departure time, not arrival time

Don't think about when you need to arrive, think about when you need to leave:

• Appointment at 10:00
• Commute: 30 min (+ 10 min buffer)
• Getting ready: 20 min
• Departure time: 9:00
• Alarm at 8:50: "START GETTING READY"

Build in generous buffers

• Double whatever time you think you need
• Better to arrive 15 minutes early than 5 minutes late
• Bring something to do if you get there early

Prep the night before

• Clothes laid out
• Bag packed
• Keys in their spot
• Fewer decisions to make in the morning

Staggered alarms

Not one alarm, several:

• 30 min before: "Start wrapping up what you're doing"
• 15 min before: "Stop starting anything new"
• 10 min before: "Go get ready"
• 5 min before: "LEAVE NOW"

For the people who live with us

If someone in your life has ADHD and is always late:

• It's not disrespect toward you
• They're probably trying harder than you realize
• Understanding helps more than criticism
• Gentle reminders without judgment go a long way